Could it be because I had major life changes....I had two children.....I left my job....was a stay at home mom to two little ones....then my grandfather passed away (my heart still aches from this one)....started an HR Boutique Consulting Company.....became a work at home mom with two kids under five....the first born went to school (he ran to school while I cried and said what about me)...hard-drive crash of the century in which not even the best tech company could restore my photos and documents...birthdays and growing by these two little men in my life....attempted theft of my cell phone that set me back some money and some headaches and a moment of not again my photos!!!!!....the loss of friendships from my old job and just of talking to adults (you can only watch so much of Thomas and Friends).....and I felt it, the chaos and all the weight on my shoulders and then I remembered this bit of heaven where I shared my fun times and not so fun times and I thought should I return to it...but how, how do I do all of this and the laundry and the cooking and the cleaning and keeping the boys plus the cats alive....I don't even have all of the photos for the posts that I had planned and then....then...I heard this song on the radio...
Just Breathe by Jonny Diaz...a huge weight was lifted and with tears rolling I thought I can do it...I can do anything...not just this blog but I can do anything....part of his lyrics...Lay Down what's good and find what's best....these busy things aren't always bad, the business is helping me be a provider to my family...and its good that God has given me the ability to create this business to help my family and others...most importantly it is good to take a moment from the chaos and just breathe, to thank God for this life he has given me. I don't want to have it all, I just want a life I can treasure where I can see my children grow, and be an active participant in their lives so that my influence can guide them in this ever changing world.
And to thank God and ask him to help me see the good that is happening in my life, to take a moment and not focus on the negative to see the good things that have happened when I ran for the first time in forever even if it was only a 1/4 of a mile and I was winded, it reminded me that I did it before, I can do it again. It felt wonderful to fly on my own again.....the beauty of my friendships.....my extended family began to grow even more as I have been blessed with even more nieces and nephews.....I finally met up with a dear friend from my old job.....experienced Painting with a Twist with her and my other dear friend and Sister....started to get back on track and feel good in my skin........and slowly but surely am starting to take a moment and enjoy the present.
God made me this person to handle this crazy life that I have....all I have to do is to remember to breathe.